2x09
Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.
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EXT. CINEMA - NIGHT
JACK's pacing back and forth outside the cinema entrance,
nervous and a touch worried. He glances at his watch.
He shrugs, and is about to set off away from the theater when:
MIKE (O.S.)
Yo, dude! Giving up on me already?
Mike slides into frame, not a hair out of place.
JACK
No, I was just... wondering where you
were.
MIKE
Right here right now. Anyway, I'm
fashionably late. Don't like trailers.
JACK
You got the tickets?
Mike reaches into his jacket pocket, produces two tickets and
fans them out in a V-shape.
Jack reaches out and plucks one.
MIKE
You got the popcorn?
A nod from Jack as he pulls a medium-sized tub out of his coat.
Mike shakes his head in disgust.
MIKE (CONT'D)
That all? Amateur. I'll get a full
size one before we get in there.
JACK
Do really you need a big one?
MIKE
(with a dirty wink)
Always.
And into the theater he goes. Jack, after a moment's tentative
thought, follows suit.
CUT TO:
INT. CHUCKIE'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT
TIGHT on one of the tables, where Tyler is fidgeting restlessly,
crossing and uncrossing his hands.
Sat across from him is CALLIE, reclining in her chair, watching
him with a quirkily raised eyebrow.
CALLIE
So.
TYLER
Yeah.
CALLIE
You good?
TYLER
Yeah.
CALLIE
Right.
Nervousness seems to be the order of the day.
CALLIE (CONT'D)
You sure?
TYLER
Yeah.
CALLIE
That all you can say?
TYLER
Pretty much. Yeah.
He runs a hand through his hair- this is trying for him.
Callie leans forward seductively, trying to distract his
attention away a bit.
CALLIE
Listen... if there's something wrong,
just tell me.
TYLER
There's nothing... why d'ya think
there's something wrong?
CALLIE
Well for one thing, you're sweating
like we're in a sauna...
TYLER
What?
He checks his shirt, and immediately wishes he hadn't.
TYLER (CONT'D)
Not sexy, huh?
CALLIE
Not really.
TYLER
Erm...
A WAITER comes to Tyler's rescue, leaning in.
WAITER
Excuse me, would you like anything to
drink?
TYLER
(immediately)
Yes please.
Callie reacts to this knee-jerk reaction.
Tyler notices this, and tries to play it cool.
TYLER (CONT'D)
Y'know, maybe. Let's take a look at
the wine list, eh?
The waiter shrugs and leaves.
Tyler looks across at Callie, who's regarding him suspiciously.
PAN AWAY, past an empty table, to the next table along, where
Rick sits, equally nervous, drumming his fingers.
The door opens, and Tamsin and Fletcher step through - Rick sees
them and gets to his feet.
RICK
Guys! Have you seen--
They PART, revealing Vi.
Who looks... shapeless. Wearing a large dress seemingly borrowed
from Tamsin's pregnancy wear, her shape looks vaguely feminine.
A patched-up job.
RICK (CONT'D)
Oh.
Vi's face falls a little, but not as much as Rick's did. There's
an awkward silence.
RICK (CONT'D)
You look... great!
But it sounds extremely false. Vi grimaces a little, but allows
Rick to walk her to the table and seat her.
He reaches across to touch her but she JERKS away.
Rick's turn to look a little hurt now, but he calmly seats
himself opposite her.
Fletcher and Tamsin seat themselves at the empty table next
door, and as they walk past, we see Tamsin's crossing her
fingers behind her back.
PAN ACROSS to the window, where there's a FLASH of GOLD.
PAN BACK to the tables, and there's been a TIME-LAPSE.
Tamsin and Fletcher are looking into each other's eyes, a half
drunk bottle of champagne in an icebucket, their glasses filled.
Tamsin picks up a breadstick and starts chomping on one end-
offering the other for Fletcher, who gratefully accepts.
Together they munch, until their lips meet- and they kiss
deeply.
PAN OVER to Rick and Vi, who are now much more comfortable.
Probably due to the bottle of champagne, three-quarters drunk,
now in an ice-bucket as well.
Rick's pushing his food around his plate, skating around
subjects.
RICK (CONT'D)
And the hair?
VI
Well, y'know. This is "love-me hair".
When a guy says he loves you, you can
get your hair cut. It's the rule.
Rick doesn't seem terribly convinced by that, but lets it slide -
abandoning his food and leaning forward, looking into Vi's eyes.
RICK
There's another rule when someone says
"I love you" as well.
(beat)
Honesty. Complete honesty. And trust.
Vi shuffles uncomfortably. Very uncomfortably.
VI
Really?
RICK
Yeah. Listen, I haven't been
completely honest with you lately. And
it's been eating away at me a bit.
(beat)
A lot. You know what that's like?
Another nervous shuffle from Vi.
RICK (CONT'D)
There's something big I've gotta tell
ya.
And we quickly PAN OVER to Tyler and Callie.
Callie's got her chin cupped in her hands, obviously waiting for
a response from Tyler.
CALLIE
Well? What's this big thing you have
to say?
Tyler's busy draining the last drops of wine from the bottle. He
gives up, and tosses the empty bottle into the ice-bucket at his
side.
He clears his throat, takes a sip of his wine, then clears his
throat again.
TYLER
Okay. Yeah. It's huge. Massive,
really.
He closes his eyes and takes the plunge.
TYLER (CONT'D)
Callie-
WAITER (O.S.)
Would you like anything for dessert?
Tyler opens his eyes, annoyed at the intrusion. Then he spots
the fully-laden trolley.
TYLER
But it can wait.
(to the waiter)
I'll have the Black Forest gateau.
(beat)
And another bottle of wine, if you
could.
PAN BACK to Vi, now sitting by herself, a very uneasy expression
on her face.
She waves at Tamsin and Fletcher, urging them to come and join
her.
Reluctantly, they do.
TAMSIN
What's up, duck?
VI
It's Rick. He said he'd tell me
something huge when he got back from
the bathroom.
FLETCHER
Why's that a problem?
VI
It's not. But he's going off on an
honesty kick, about how we should
share everything, and what can I say?
Yeah, I'm a Slayer - I kill vampires,
demons and other nasties for a living,
but at the moment I've become a guy? I
mean what can I say?
TAMSIN
Okay. First thing- breathe.
Vi does so, deeply.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
Secondly- your breasts are wonky.
Vi looks down - her chest is indeed an odd shape- one side looks
completely deflated.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
(to Fletcher)
Quick- get some napkins.
Fletcher hurries away, returning a couple of beats later with a
wad of napkins.
Tamsin takes them off him and begins stuffing them down Vi's
front when she notices the waiter giving them an odd look.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
Y'know, let's go to the bathroom to
finish this.
VI
I don't think I can.
TAMSIN
What?
VI
I don't want to get up.
TAMSIN
Why?
Vi blushes furiously and casts a hopeful glance over at
Fletcher, who gets her thread.
FLETCHER
She's, er, a bit stiff at the minute.
TAMSIN
What?
FLETCHER
I can't put it any plainer than that.
Tamsin suddenly realizes.
TAMSIN
Oh! You mean she's got an-
FLETCHER
Yeah.
TAMSIN
Oh, crap.
POP!
Tyler pops the cork on the wine bottle, but his shaking hands
cause it to spin away, and it SMASHES into the window, which
starts to spider-web.
TYLER
Oops.
PHUT!
A golden arrow streaks through the new gap, just skimming over
Tyler's head.
And the cherub from the Teaser climbs through the now smashed
window.
TAMSIN
Okay, this isn't good.
It readies its bow and prepares to fire again - right at Vi!
BLACK OUT.
END OF ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
FADE IN:
INT. CHUCKIE'S RESTAURANT - CONTINUOUS
Same setup as before.
The Cherub lets fly with the arrow, but Vi ducks underneath the
table just in time. Tamsin and Fletcher join her, inadvertently
tugging the tablecloth down as well.
Plates and glasses SMASH against the floor as the Cherub places
another arrow into its bow.
STAFF and PATRONS run in a panic.
Thinking quickly, Tamsin and Fletcher push the table up onto its
side so it acts as a sort of barrier.
An arrow EMBEDS itself in the wood straight away, quickly
followed by a second.
Realizing it's been outwitted, the Cherub changes target, aiming
at Tyler and Callie.
Tyler reaches out and pulls Callie down just in time, as the
arrow whistles overhead.
He lands with a THUNK on the carpeted floor, and his ringbox
bounces out of his pocket and goes scuttling across the floor,
out of Callie's sight.
Keeping low, and ignoring Callie's warnings, he crawls across
and retrieves it, just missing another arrow.
FOCUS back on Vi and Fletcher huddled together behind their
makeshift barrier. Tamsin's nowhere to be seen.
TILT DOWN to find her flat on her stomach, texting into her
phone at a rapid pace.
CUT TO:
INT. CINEMA - SAME TIME
CLOSE on Mike, whose head is one side, asleep.
With a START, he suddenly wakes up, grunting a bit and wiping
away some drool that's formed on the side of his mouth.
He fumbles in his jeans pocket, pulls out his phone, and scowls.
MIKE
Talk about the bad timing.
He quickly elbows Jack.
MIKE (CONT'D)
Sorry, dude. Gotta bail.
He hands him the giant tub of popcorn, and picks up the extra
large Coke he's got.
With a thoughtful glance, he starts CHUGGING it down, drinking
the whole thing in one go.
Then he BURPS loudly, drawing the attention of several other
members of the audience.
MIKE (CONT'D)
Better out than in.
He SALUTES goodbye at Jack, then starts clambering over the
other people in the row, muttering quick apologies.
Coming across a couple who are busily making out, Mike
hesitates, unsure over what to do.
He tries to step over them, but gets his legs tangled up, and
disappears from view with a THUD.
CUT TO:
INT. CHUCKIE'S RESTAURANT - CONTINUOUS
FOCUS back on the table-barrier, now with several arrows
embedded in it - and the cracks are starting to appear.
Another ARROW comes flying into frame, landing with a THUNK in
the middle of the table, causing it to splinter slightly.
Cowering behind it, Vi pushes herself up to her feet.
VI
Listen, we can't hide behind here
forever.
FLETCHER
You got a plan?
VI
Call it a pla.
TAMSIN
And?
Vi points at a light-fitting hanging tantalizingly out of reach.
VI
I'll jump up, grab that, draw its
attention, then swivel round, do a
split-kick and knock it down.
TAMSIN
Sure you can do that?
VI
Just watch me.
And with that, she breaks cover.
LEAPING high, she catches hold of the light, but her weight is
greater than she's used to, and she accidentally PULLS down the
whole lot.
She lands with a CRASH on the floor.
The Cherub walks carefully up to her.
She clambers up on her elbows, but is met by the tensed and
ready bow.
The Cherub carefully and deliberately pulls back the bowstring.
On the edge of frame, we see Tyler breaking out from underneath
his own table, reaching the abandoned dessert trolley.
Just as the Cherub is ready to fire, the dessert trolley
trundles across the floor, SMACKING into the Cherub, sending it
off-balance.
A large cake, full of cream and strawberries, that was balanced
on top of the trolley, gets dislodged.
It SOMERSAULTS in the air, and lands with a SQUELCHING SMACK on
top of the Cherub.
Vi gets up and makes her way over to the Cherub.
She dips her hand into the creamy mess, pushing it aside,
revealing the Cherub's face.
Then, she balls her hand into a fist and SMACKS it across the
face.
VI (CONT'D)
That's for doing this!
Mike arrives now, Coke bucket still in hand. He hurries over to
the fallen Cherub.
MIKE
Thanks for waiting, guys.
He removes the lid from his giant cup and pushes the Cherub into
said cup. Then he replaces the lid, handing it over to Vi.
MIKE (CONT'D)
One cherub to go. You want fries with
that?
A bit of nervous laughter from Vi at that. She heads for the
door, followed quickly by Tamsin, Fletcher and Mike, and, after
a quick coaxing session, Tyler and Callie.
Remembering something, Tamsin turns and pops back inside,
finding the full bottle of wine that Tyler ordered before this
kicked off.
TAMSIN
If no-one else is going to have it...
As she leaves, she spots Rick coming out of the bathroom.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
We're just leaving, love. Duty calls.
Vi says she'll call you.
RICK (O.S.)
Right...
Tamsin leaves, and Rick emerges onto the scene properly. He
takes in the scene of devastation with a nervous look-
particularly when he sees the waiter giving him a pointed stare.
RICK (CONT'D)
You're not going to bill me for all
this, are ya?
WAITER
Twice in three months.
He turns and shouts into the kitchen.
WAITER (CONT'D)
We've got to look into getting those
guys barred.
He storms off, leaving a confused Rick as we:
CUT TO:
INT. COMMAND CENTRAL - LATER
Mike and Fletcher are holding down the Cherub against a table.
Tamsin's pacing around it, holding some kind of scanner device.
Vi's slumped in a chair, looking the worse for wear. Tyler's
hanging around her, a bit of a spare part.
TAMSIN
(to the Cherub)
So you're telling us you're...
CHERUB
Eros. Yes.
MIKE
What the hell's Eros?
FLETCHER
Another name for Cupid.
MIKE
Oh.
FLETCHER
Eros doesn't exist. He's a figment of
Greek mythology.
EROS
And yet here I am.
Tamsin pushes her face into Eros'.
TAMSIN
You expect us to believe that? Eros
fired love arrows- your arrows were a
bit more than that.
EROS
Were they? Did I ever do anything
threatening at all? I changed your
weapons into romantic objects, I
spread the word of love in this town -
and yet you hold me on trial? What
justice is there here?
Tamsin pauses for a second and shares a concerned look with
Fletcher. Is Eros right? Are they in the wrong?
TAMSIN
Whatever. That still doesn't explain
what you did to Vi.
EROS
I am not entirely to blame. I readied
the arrow - if fired into her heart,
as intended, she would have fallen in
love with the one who loved her.
(beat)
But you diverted my aim, remember? If
not fired into the heart, the
consequences are unknown. In this
case, it is trying to turn this girl
into an image of her beloved.
(beat)
That was never my intention.
FLETCHER
All that might be true. But hold your
horses just a second. If I remember my
mythology correctly, you have to be
summoned.
EROS
And I was, indirectly. There is
another magic user in this vicinity.
They performed a spell, calling for
the aid of the goddess Hecate.
Unfortunately, their skill level is
not as they had hoped, and an error
was made. Hence, I have no idea who
the spell was intended for.
(beat)
I decided to attempt a general one,
with particular emphasis on the users
of magic and those in contact with the
supernatural.
(beat)
Yourselves.
Fletcher nods quickly to Mike, and they relinquish their grip on
the small figure.
Eros sits up, flexing its tiny muscles.
TAMSIN
So all this was a big mistake? On
everyone's part?
EROS
Apparently so.
Tamsin jerks a thumb at Vi.
TAMSIN
Can you fix her, then? Turn her back?
EROS
(nodding)
I should be able to, yes.
With an accepting shrug, Tamsin points to Tyler to give Eros his
quiver and bow back.
Tyler does so, but not before pulling out an arrow and looking
at it admiringly.
TYLER
The craftsmanship on this is
brilliant. It's so... realistic.
He runs his hand along it, up to the point - and Tamsin pushes
him, causing it to drop from his hand and clatter to the floor.
TAMSIN
You want to start this all over again?
Because if you become a woman, I'm not
giving you a Brazillian.
TYLER
Er. No.
Sheepishly, he backs away.
Eros, now armed, jumps back to his feet and approaches Vi, who
sits up.
Taking careful aim, Eros positions the arrow level with Vi's leg-
on the place where he struck her before.
And he FIRES again.
POOF!
A CLOUD of GOLD SMOKE rises up, enveloping Vi.
A tense, nervous beat while the smoke dissipates.
Revealing a NORMAL-LOOKING VI.
The relief is palpable all around.
Vi beams widely- then her now ill-fitting clothes fall down.
Tamsin quickly rushes to her side, pulling them back up, whilst
Fletcher puts a hand over Tyler's eyes.
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - LATER
Enter the diner, to see everyone in a fairly jubilant mood.
Frank and Corrine enter from outside.
FRANK
What's going on?
MIKE
Vi's her cutesy-pie self, we collared
the baby-faced assassin, and we almost
got in a Wet Wet Wet song.
FRANK
English, please.
FLETCHER
I'll try- Vi's fine. The demon was a
mistake, it was trying to spread love
or something. Caused everyone in the
town to get a bit randy. Well, almost
everyone. You didn't seem to be
affected.
Frank and Corrine glance awkwardly at each other.
Callie shuffles up to Tyler.
CALLIE
What was this big thing you were going
to ask me?
TYLER
What?
CALLIE
In the restaurant. Something big.
Apparently.
TYLER
Oh. Yeah. I was just going to ask you
to marry me, that's all.
CALLIE
Okay.
A quick double-take from Tyler.
TYLER
What? Oh no, that wasn't me
actually...
Cue the nerves and the sweating again.
CALLIE
Relax. I said yes.
TYLER
You serious?
CALLIE
Are you?
TYLER
With all my untainted heart.
CALLIE
Then so am I.
And they look deep into each other's eyes, before kissing.
TAMSIN
I say this calls for a bit of a
celebration.
She reaches into her jacket, pulling out the wine bottle from
earlier.
Frank goes behind the counter, pulling out some milkshake
glasses with a shrug.
Tamsin starts filling them up.
FRANK
Terrific. The place is fine. My
nephew's getting hitched, and did you
say Vi was back to normal as well?
TAMSIN
Yep, she's her perky, ever so slightly
irritating self again.
FRANK
That's great news, isn't it, V...she's
not here.
(beat)
Where is she?
Tyler breaks away from his kiss to answer.
TYLER
Oh. She's upstairs. I set her up with
my webcam. She's recording stuff for
future reference.
FRANK
How long's she been up there?
Fletcher looks at his watch.
FLETCHER
About two hours.
FRANK
You realize what you've done, don't
you?
TYLER
What?
Tamsin finishes off the bottle.
TAMSIN
Vi. Talking by herself, to herself,
with no-one and nothing to stop her.
(beat)
We'll never see her again.
And off Tyler's dubious expression, we:
CUT TO:
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Script created with Final Draft by Final Draft, Inc.