INT. BURGER KING - NIGHT
As before.
CORRINE
I didn't ask for this job, you
know.
TYLER
I know.
CORRINE
I didn't want to work at a company
run by an imaginary friend created
by a demon from another dimension.
Tyler smirks lightly
CORRINE (CONT'D)
I was a poor foster kid and
computers were the next big thing.
I figured it was a gravy train, so
I hopped on board.
Tyler says nothing, merely nods.
CORRINE (CONT'D)
Ten years at that company. For
what? A couple of dates and some
pretty awesome sex with a magical
demon-construct?
Tyler closes his eyes and takes a long drink of his beer.
CORRINE (CONT'D)
Which, that was fine, sure. But
now? This? Dealing with those
people ever day?
I just can't do it. How did they
get put in charge, anyway?
TYLER
Investing in the company stocks.
CORRINE
You know, no one has ever been able
to give me a good reason for the
stock market in the first place.
She SIGHS.
CORRINE (CONT'D)
(beat)
Where's our damn food?
Tyler sighs as we:
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - UPSTAIRS ROOM - NIGHT
Fletcher scribbles on a legal pad, crossing things out and
adding new notations as he thinks of possible explanations.
Tamsin sits in a chair next to the crib. Jamie looks bigger
already, about three.
TAMSIN
Have you thought of anything?
FLETCHER
Nothing. I can't seem to put two
thoughts together.
He tosses his pen down.
FLETCHER (CONT'D)
It's maddening.
TAMSIN
You're telling me.
FLETCHER
Sorry. I've ruled out demons and
curses, though. Temporal anomalies,
although I suppose that since this
isn't an episode of Star Trek I
shouldn't be surprised.
JAMIE
Momma?
Tamsin and Fletcher freeze. Their eyes widening.
In his crib, Jamie looks around at the room. His eyes focus
on Tamsin.
JAMIE (CONT'D)
Momma.
Slowly, they turn to face him.
FLETCHER
(drawn out)
Oh my God.
Tamsin picks Jamie up.
TAMSIN
Baby? Did you just talk?
JAMIE
(pointing out the window)
Bird! Bird, momma.
TAMSIN
(to herself)
So, yes.
(to Jamie)
Yes, baby, bird!
She bounces Jamie, pretending to be happy and normal, but she
gives Fletcher a concerned look.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
You just sit here, honey.
She puts Jamie back in the crib.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
Mommy will be right back.
FLETCHER
(whispering)
This is worse than I thought.
TAMSIN
A mother is supposed to enjoy her
baby's first words! This is not
enjoyment! This is frankly terror.
FLETCHER
Can I... try something?
TAMSIN
What?
FLETCHER
An experiment.
Off Tamsin's look:
CUT TO:
INT. BURGER KING - NIGHT
Corrine is viciously ripping into her burger. Tyler watches,
uncomfortable.
TYLER
You wanna take it easy, there?
CORRINE
I'm transferring. Taking my
aggression out on the burger
instead of committing a murder.
TYLER
I actually read somewhere that that
kind of behavior isn't healthy.
Habit forming.
Corrine glares at Tyler.
TYLER (CONT'D)
Then, again, that Whopper is a real
bitch.
She goes back to tearing.
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - UPSTAIRS ROOM -NIGHT
Jamie's crib is littered with children's books, the cardboard
covered kind with puppies and gold foil spines. Fletcher
sits, carefully observing.
TAMSIN
What are you doing?
FLETCHER
Shh.
Jamie holds one of the books open across his ever-growing
lap. He spends some time randomly flipping through the pages,
giggling at the silly pictures.
TAMSIN
(whispering)
How is this going to help?
FLETCHER
(whispering)
I have a theory, and I want to see
if it's accurate.
TAMSIN
Is this a theory about the cause of
this?
FLETCHER
It's very much about correlation.
TAMSIN
That doesn't make any sense.
FLETCHER
It does to me.
TAMSIN
Well then.
Jamie tosses his book aside and picks up another one. With
some difficulty -- the cover is quite thick -- he opens it.
Fletcher watches intently. Jamie turns a few pages forward,
then stops. He flips back to the beginning.
ON JAMIE'S EYES.
They flicker across the page in the familiar one-two-three
pattern anyone who's ever watched someone read could easily
recognize.
BACK TO SCENE.
Fletcher jumps right out of his chair, knocking it over.
FLETCHER
Oh! Wow! God!
Tamsin, on the verge of panic, grabs him.
TAMSIN
What?! What the hell is it?!
FLETCHER
It's -- look at his eyes.
Tamsin looks. Clueless.
TAMSIN
Okay.
FLETCHER
He's reading the book.
She watches closer. Her eyes widen in realization.
TAMSIN
That's impossible.
FLETCHER
We're a ways beyond that now.
Tamsin goes to the crib, looks in at Jamie.
TAMSIN
Uh... Jamie, sweetie?
JAMIE
Momma.
She can't think of any words. Even if she did, what would he
say back?
JAMIE (CONT'D)
(pointing to the book)
Doggy runs, momma.
TAMSIN
Y-- yeah, baby.
(to Fletcher)
He can understand it?
FLETCHER
Do you know what this means?
TAMSIN
My baby is a genius!
FLETCHER
Your baby's intelligence is
developing at a rate far surpassing
his physical growth! His mind moves
faster than his body.
(beat)
Oh! Yes!
TAMSIN
What? What-what?
FLETCHER
I figured it out! I'm the smartest
person in the world!
(looks at Jamie)
For the moment.
TAMSIN
Explain. Now.
FLETCHER
Okay. You say Jamie's father is
from another dimension?
Tamsin's face falls, the memory of James too much.
FLETCHER (CONT'D)
I've read the logs, and when James
came here, he was suffering from a
rapid cellular degeneration. Now, I
think that what happened is, he
passed it into you through...
(fumbles for words)
...his...uh...
(trying to be delicate)
...penis.
Swing and a miss.
FLETCHER (CONT'D)
While he was baking, Jamie was
protected from the effects by your
treacherous inner workings.
Tamsin rolls her eyes.
FLETCHER (CONT'D)
You could say, your body acted as a
filter, keeping him stable. But now
that he's out here, he's simply
following in his father's
footsteps.
TAMSIN
That's brilliant.
FLETCHER
I do try.
(beat)
There is a problem, though.
TAMSIN
What?
FLETCHER
I have absolutely no idea how to
stop it.
Tamsin grips the edge of Jamie's crib so hard her knuckles
turn white.
CUT TO:
INT. BURGER KING - NIGHT
Empty food wrappers cover the table in front of Tyler and
Corrine.
CORRINE
Well, thanks for the "dinner",
Tyler. I appreciate the thought,
even if it wasn't exactly
successful.
TYLER
No problem. Maybe tomorrow will be
better.
CORRINE
(unconvinced)
Maybe.
They stand up, shrugging on their coats.
TYLER
You need a ride home?
CORRINE
Just a lift back to the office,
thanks.
They walk through the restaraunt.
EXT. BURGER KING - NIGHT
Tyler and Corrine cross the parking lot, towards Tyler's car.
He's digging in his pants pockets.
TYLER
Can't find my keys...
Corrine looks around, cold and nervous.
CORRINE
I have a bad feeling.
TYLER
Don't worry, I didn't lock them in
the car. Not again. God, Callie
laughed her ass off for an hour.
Well. Half an hour. Then she got
pissed, because it was really hot
and it had been like three weeks
and she wanted to go to her
apartment, if you know what I mean,
but eventually a guy came by who
could pick locks.
(beat)
Which made me nervous.
CORRINE
(suddenly)
Shut up.
Corrine narrows her eyes, surveying the parking lot.
TYLER
Well, sorry for sharing. Jeez.
Suddenly, there's a ROAR, loud and long. Corrine turns
around, fists raised. A pack of THREE APE-LIKE DEMONS stand
behind her, beating their hands against their chests,
GROWLING. The lead demon slowly advances on her.
TYLER (CONT'D)
Perfect.
BLACKOUT.
END OF ACT TWO
ACT THREE
FADE IN:
EXT. BURGER KING - NIGHT
The demons stare down Corrine and Tyler.
CORRINE
Okay, you take the one on the left.
TYLER
Mmhmm. That's definitely something
I'm qualified to do.
The pair of them back up until they're against the car.
CORRINE
How do you kill a gorilla demon?
TYLER
Well, how do you kill a gorilla?
CORRINE
With a big, big gun.
TYLER
Mine's in my other car.
CORRINE
You could call Frank.
One of the demons, the Leader, POUNCES, springing up with his
hands and feet, landing just inches away from Corrine and
Tyler. It GROWLS, exposing rows of jagged teeth.
TYLER
Don't think that's a realistic
option.
The Leader swats its fist at Tyler, TOSSING HIM BACK through
the parking lot. The Second and Third Demon rush Corrine.
Their tree-trunk arms are powerful, but slow, and she's able
to duck and dodge under them, landing quick flurries of
punches and kicks to their midsections, using her speed as an
advantage.
Tyler scoots away from the Leader, flailing ineffectually
with his feet. The Leader advances, drool dripping from his
mouth. Tyler digs in his pockets, throwing loose change, his
cellphone, a pen, whatever he can find at the demon.
TYLER (CONT'D)
Oh, here are my keys.
He rolls under one of the demon's swings and manages to stand
up. Tyler then sprints to the car, jumping in and starting it
up.
TYLER (CONT'D)
Corrine! Get in!
But she can't make it in time. She is too busy dodging the
grasping hands of the ape demons. Tyler puts the car in
reverse, backs up out of the parking lot.
CORRINE
Thanks a lot!
She's fighting just to survive now. When one of the apes
slaps down at her, she jumps onto its hand, generating a CRY
OF PAIN. Using the hand as a base, she jumps up, slipping
around the back of the Second Demon, until her hands are
around its neck.
CORRINE (CONT'D)
Non sequitur addiction pun!
With a mighty yank, she SNAPS the demon's thick neck. It
falls down, dead, and she goes with it, rolling to the side
at the last second. But she's fallen right into the Third
Demon's hands, and it raises her up, preparing to tear her
apart like she's made of toothpicks.
But then, a heroic HORN BLAST covers the demon's shrieks, and
Tyler's car barrels into it from the side! The demon splays
out on the pavement, hurt. But the Lead demon pulls it up and
they make a strategic retreat, HOWLING at the moon as they
flee. Corrine pulls herself up off the pavement.
Tyler jumps out of the car and rushes over to Corrine.
TYLER
You okay?
CORRINE
Yes, Bo.
TYLER
(confused)
Uh...did you...hit your head?
'Cause I'm not --
CORRINE
It's a Dukes of Hazzard thing, with
the car and the horn.
TYLER
(getting it)
Oh!
(beat)
Hey, you made a joke!
(beat)
Never pegged you as a "Dukes" fan.
CORRINE
I did have a life before--
She pauses as she looks down at one of the demons.
CORRINE'S POV
Around his neck the demon wears a strange NECKLACE, with a
green gem in the middle.
BACK TO SCENE.
Corrine bends down and yanks the necklace off the demon's
neck.
CORRINE (CONT'D)
This is interesting. Never seen a
demon wear jewelry.
TYLER
It is shiny.
CORRINE
I think I'll keep it. As a trophy.
She's all smiles and good cheer now, pocketing the necklace.
TYLER
Nice. And for my trophy, this large
dent in the hood of my car.
CORRINE
Atta boy.
TYLER
It's good to see you not murderous.
You know, for a change.
CORRINE
You know, Tyler, I think tonight
might not have been such a bad idea
after all.
Corrine smiles as we:
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - UPSTAIRS ROOM - NIGHT
As before.
FLETCHER
Why don't you just put Jamie to
bed, and I'll try to think of a way
to stop this tonight and come back
in the morning?
TAMSIN
Sure. Good idea.
Fletcher puts a hand on her shoulder. He lingers for a beat,
wanting to say something more, but he doesn't. Instead he
nods at her and leaves the room.
Tamsin lays Jamie down in the crib, which he almost doesn't
fit in any more, and tucks the blanket up to his chin. She
leans down and kisses his forehead.
TAMSIN (CONT'D)
Good night, baby. Mommy will be
right downstairs, okay?
She turns on the baby monitor.
JAMIE
Night night momma.
Tamsin bites her bottom lip, to keep herself from crying, and
turns out the lights, closing the door behind her.
CUT TO:
EXT. MACROWARE OFFICES - NIGHT
Tyler's car pulls into the parking lot and stops beside
Corrine's. Corrine gets out and walks over to Tyler's side of
the car. He rolls down the window.
CORRINE
Thanks for the ride. And for the
night.
TYLER
(shrugs)
Hey. No problem. I'm just happy you
had a good time.
Before either of them can say anything else, Corrine's cell
phone RINGS. She takes it out of her purse, flips it open,
answers it.
CORRINE
Hello?
(beat)
Maxwell.
She makes a sour face. Tyler shakes his head.
CORRINE (CONT'D)
Oh, sure. No, I'd love to come in
early. No problem at all. Okay.
Tomorrow. Bye.
She hangs up and throws the phone back in the purse.
CORRINE (CONT'D)
(walking away)
Insufferable, stupid, horrible
little man...
TYLER
(weakly)
Well...drive safe.
Tyler frowns, watching Corrine stomp to her car as we:
FADE TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY
Vi walks through the hallway, hair wet, dressed in a towel.
It's morning, and she's just taken a shower. In case you're
bad at context clues.
A LOUD SHUFFLING NOISE from one of the upstairs rooms makes
her stop. She slowly turns to the door, pressing her ear
against it.
VI
Hello?
She hears the NOISE again. So she nervously turns the door
knob and steps inside the room.
VI (CONT'D)
Hello?
Fully in the room now, she sees a NAKED TEENAGE JAMIE, trying
to cover himself with his baby blanket. His crib is broken,
and he lies on the floor, surrounded by hundreds of opened
books.
Vi SCREAMS.
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - DAY
Tamsin is asleep, sitting lengthwise along one of the booths,
her back propped against the window, sleeping the sleep of
the thoroughly exhausted. HEAVY, QUICK FOOTSTEPS on the
stairs wake her up. Vi emerges, scared and upset.
VI
Tamsin!
TAMSIN
(groggy)
What?
VI
There's a boy walking around naked
upstairs!
TAMSIN
Vi, sweetie, I can't control what
Mike's guests do.
VI
No no no, he looked too young to be
one of Mike's... friends. He's in
the room you put Jamie, and--
Tamsin hears "Jamie," and instantly springs up the stairs,
gone before Vi can finish her sentence.
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - UPSTAIRS ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Tamsin bursts through the door, sees Jamie trying to cover
himself with the tiny blanket.
JAMIE
Uh... hi, mom.
TAMSIN
Oh my God.
Vi watches dumbfounded as the boy's mother's leg's give out
from shock. Tamsin falls to the floor as we:
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - TYLER'S ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Tamsin is digging through Tyler's clothes. Jamie is already
dressed in too-large sweatpants. Vi stands by the door
looking at the boy in disbelief.
JAMIE
...so I think I must be suffering
from some sort of accelerated
growth phenomenon.
VI
How did you-
JAMIE
I read the books in my room.
VI
Which books?
JAMIE
(matter-of-fact)
All of them.
She fishes out a relatively clean "Battlestar Galactica" t
shirt pulls and hands it to the boy. He pulls it on over his
head.
JAMIE (CONT'D)
How do I look?
TAMSIN
(overcome)
My baby's all grown up!
She hugs him.
JAMIE
(jeez)
Mom.
Seeing the touching scene, Vi rushes over and hugs the two.
Jamie turns and hugs Vi tightly. He smiles for a beat. His
smile gets bigger. Suddenly, a confused look comes to his
face. He pulls away.
TAMSIN
What's wrong, dear.
JAMIE
(worried)
I think I'm growing again.
He looks down. Tamsin and Vi follow his gaze to the front of
his sweatpants. Their eyes, now wide with surprise, quickly
look away from the tell-tale bulge as we:
CUT TO:
INT. FRANK'S DINER - LATER
The diner is empty right now, save for Jamie and SIMON,
sitting across from each other at a table. They sit there
awkwardly, Simon tapping his fingers on the top of the table.
Vi and Tamsin watch the two from across the room near the
door to Tyler's room.
VI
You sure this is a good idea?
TAMSIN
No. But he was very frighted by
his... um... I thought an
explanation of that would be better
coming from a man.
(beat)
And with Frank who knows where with
Billie, Fletcher busy in the lab,
Tyler at work, and Mike... well...
off being Mike.
Vi nods understanding completely.
Back at Simon and Jamie's table, Simon finally breaks the
ice.
SIMON
So. You're my nephew.
JAMIE
So. You're my uncle.
SIMON
Gotta admit, I wasn't fully
prepared for dealing with a grown
up version of you so quickly.
JAMIE
I'm sorry for the inconvenience.
Another awkward, silent moment.
SIMON
Your mum... she... ah... wanted me
to give you a talk.
JAMIE
About what?
SIMON
Well, you're a teenager now... sort
of.
And so, there are certain things
that you need to know... about the
world, and how it works, and how
people work. Which is to say, how
people work in a gender-oriented
fashion.
Jamie frowns.
JAMIE
I don't understand.
SIMON
(grunts)
Okay. Look. There comes a time in
every young man's life when he will
have... urges. Towards women.
(quickly)
Or men! Nothing wrong with that. I
don't judge. Uh... but if you do,
best not tell Mike.
JAMIE
(more confused)
What's going on?
SIMON
(to himself)
You learned to talk in sixteen
hours! Why am I explaining this!
JAMIE
Explaining what? I am very
confused.
Simon give the boy a soft smile.
SIMON
Poor lad. Must feel like Frosty the
Snow Man.
JAMIE
Who? Men aren't made of snow.
SIMON
No, no, no-- after this talk, you
and I are going to watch some
movies.
(beat; thinks)
Actually, movies might help.
Movies, and HBO. And come to think
of it, got a few issues of
"Penthouse" in the car boot.
He looks around, sneaky.
SIMON (CONT'D)
Don't tell your mother.
Jamie GULPS as we:
CUT TO:
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